dilemma

twilight's awesome. everything's awesome yesterday.
cheap ticket. good movie. good people to go with.

only the seat was not that comfortable. it's too front. neck pain.
despite that, sitting there's good.., after all. first time, ever, in my life.. *smiles*
the failed-to-happen sounded so sweet.
maybe i wish it would've happened. no? yes?

congo. eeh. nice food! *aaaa..* nice atmosphere. nice jokes. nice laughs. nice memories. nnnggggaaaaaaaw..

indeed, all that i once wished for has kinda come true.
but, now i'm afraid if what i want out of this is only the kinda thing that i wished for?
and nothing else?
so, it's kinda unwise to have decided to let it continue.
it'd just be hurtful for all of us. but, it's unavoidable.

what if i lose this one day.. cos even now i'm still not that sure.
i guess all i really want is that thing.
and it makes me feel guilty everytime it's said and done..
and i can't be strict.
my heart says yes. my mind says no. and sometimes my heart says.. "ehhh, maybe."

now that i think of it.. is there something more actually?
cos i can't avoid it anymore.
nooo..? yes? no???



irgendwann einmal, möchte ich bitte einen Traummann..

3things

crush, infatuation, love.
what the heck!
heck!
hhhhheeeeecccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

get me out of this kinda thing!

corruption

I wonder why people still do it when they know that it's not right,
despite a lot of examples about it; how those people who've committed it are condemned and punished.

I guess it's already in everyone's blood. Planted deeply in their flesh.

As a victim of it yesterday, I felt guilty more than cheated.
Guilty cos I couldn't do anything to tell him that it's wrong.
I couldn't, cos I was scared I'd get hurt or anything like that if I accused him for doing so.
But, all I did was just to appease him.
I didn't stand up for what's right, instead I gave in cos I was scared.
Well, it's only Rp 4,000 difference. But, still, lie is a lie.
Small crime doesn't mean no crime.

Now that I think of it.. In the Bible, it says: But I say to you, do not resist the evildoer. But whoever strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other to him as well.

I wonder if that's what I'll do again when someone asks for a bribe from me.
Ha ha. What should I do, eh??

Well, don't those who've committed it over and over again, have conscience whatsoever?
Even for those who are poor, they have no rights or excuses for doing so!
What the hell..
I mean, don't be selfish larh.
And they shouldn't take things for granted.
It's not like, cos they're poor, everyone should pity them and give what they want.

They should do something good, instead of pitying their own selves.
But it's hard to do, cos everyone thinks that it's impossible to get out of the poverty circle.
Ha ha. I'm talking as if I know what they're going through. Silly me.
I know it's difficult. Natürlich, it is.
But, at least, don't take a shortcut cheating on other people and taking them for granted.

Too bad, in fact, only a handful of people have the passion to help these people out.
Even less can come up with the ways to help these people out.
(As in, come up with the appropriate ways of helping. Not by giving them cash!!
That doesn't work of course. They need education and moral support!)
And, even much less than that can actualize those ways.
But too bad, most of the people are too oblivious.
Thinking of their own stuff.

This is the reality. So, no wonder there are a lot of corruption cases in Indonesia.
People are just too selfish.

Knowing the reality.. sometimes I doubt that my wish will really come true.
As someone of my race, I'll always be treated this way.
Get cheated, envied, discriminated.
What do I need to do?

liebe. it ruins.

love hurts. love ruins.
but if you fall in love with someone you'll live with for the rest of your life, you're lucky.

having crushes is enough for now. there's a lot of time.

i've just learnt a lot.

good bye. try not to talk to me, man. haha. good luck.
diary is just a diary. all that's inside's just about the past, it shouldn't have any power over me. be less emotional.

Heimat - brings all kinda feelings

"...
I think I've lost my way.
I'm in need of shelter,
Far above this place.

I can see a castle,
High up on this hill.
Could it be my freedom,
Left to my own will?

I thought I was holding on,
But my heart slipped away.
There's nothing wrong,
That's my song,
I wanna let it play.
I wanna let it play.

This love needs a home......"

Fortress - Hope

i'm getting comfortable being here so fast and i kinda hate it. cos then i won't be able to easily overcome the homesickness after i leave.

everything in the past starts to come niggling in my mind.
all comes with some thoughts full of wonders, questions, doubts, and also some feelings of emptiness, jealousy, and dissatisfaction.
i just can't picture him with someone else.
tho i myself can picture me with someone else. that's so unfair.
ha-ha-hah. (sarcastic)
...why her? and why so much of a change!
*but, that's too much. let them be.
you didn't wanna be with him anyway. you don't and you won't*

but i need... that.. too for myself. i feel so insecure.

take me away..

ikea. with mom.

well. i love her. i swear i do. despite everything. i wanna make her happy.
she knew my obsession, but had no objection. woo.

ikea, ikea, ikea, ikea, for today.
loveditloveditlovedit. bought a stuff that i failed to buy the other day.
i felt that, i could just stay there for 4 to 5 hours admiring the things there.

couldn't find salmiakki at all.
but dinner with mom there was AWESOME :D
well, that's mom :D

mom took this. awesome, isn't it? :D
IKEA at night. b e a u t i f u l.


hope tomorrow's plan will go smoothly and turn out fine.

it's running low. and i need it the most now.
He will provide. amen.

2.10am

thedamned

it's been so long since i last listened to it.

but, this time i just can't help but listening it again. nothing can suit all this.

this was the kinda thing i was afraid of to ever happen.

nothing's gonna turn out fine everytime i'm with her.

but it's sad to know that she's like this.

that's sad. sad. sad..

how i wish she could ever change. she'll just never change. i just can't take it.
i just can't.
i can't.
i can' take it.

uplifting not

it wasn't anything that uplifting as expected, after all. instead, it made everything kinda.. worse? at least in me. my head.

but there were some unexpected stuff that encouraged me somehow.

can't believe that there are still people who say what i wanna hear.
can't believe that there are people out there who want to listen and understand..

i'm just... touched..
thanks.

welcome the new one

i think i was genius. or i had a very strong intuition. or it was just me who ruined it all. or maybe it was just meant to happen anyway, and that it was all planned so well.. that it then also means that i had a very strong intuition, conclusively.

but it was all good, after all. i know it's all for good.

and it was just at the right time. a bit dramatic tho, but i was left in awe that it was just all planned so well..

the end of something can mean the end of a lot of other things too, sometimes. that's what i've learned. the fact that it really did happen, that's what made me left in awe.

i don't ever wish anything to change. but, it'll never be the same again, however it is, whatever's said. it just won't, in a sense. it might still seem similar, but won't ever feel the same no more. (i wish that nothing should change but me solely)

but, thanks, a million thanks. all of it made me look into this person more closely than ever. and all i saw was someone that i didn't wish her to be. all i saw was someone i had long hated. she's just undesirable. who's she? how on earth could there be anyone like her? and she's now realising how she doesn't want herself to be like this no more.

she needs to change for the better, for herself. it's the time. it's the right time. when it's all really over and something new should begin. why not.

she'd long been someone who's arrogant and ignorant and oblivious. been ignoring what everyone said. been only listening to her rebellious mind thinking that she should just be cool, by being different from the rest cos she just couldn't be like them. she'd just long been in denial.

now i've opened my eyes widely. my mind and heart, too. and that's when i can really listen to what mom says. my mistakes that she points out, and how she says i should better behave like. i thought it was cool to do them. i regret that i ever did think that way. now it's gonna take me long to change. how i wish i really listened to what mom said when i was young. it's kinda too late, but i'll still do try. i'll listen to her more.

i need to one day be someone that i'll really like. not someone whom i'd been pretending to like and be comfortable with. need to look at how old i am now. and how i should better be like.

tomorrow. for me, it'll be the celebration of the new me. it'll be the new cover page of the journey of my new me. CELEBRATION!

a silly, hopeless wish

It's 00.08am. And I still can't get to sleep. I just toss and turn here in my bed,wondering what it'll feel like. What will it feel like? But, will I EVER feel that anyway? The idea that O Levels will be over in 8 to 9 hours' time doesn't seem that WOW anymore, it only makes me feel relieved and nothing else. No more of a feeling of accomplishment any longer. Cos there's this wish I've been wanting over the past few days, that makes the accomplishment seem not so real no more. A wish that'll probably remain as a wish for the next i-don't-know how many years, or.. maybe even forever. It's silly for me to have been thinking this way. But I can't do anything. And they make me envy them. I never felt this way before. Last time it was me who used to make my friends envy me. But I think, it's time for me to envy them.. Well.. Now, I realise that mine's actually getting nowhere. A vague, unreal, fat hope.

taylor swift's love story

I got tired of waiting,

Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

oh maaannnn...

DAMMIT. SHUT UP..
I just can't help but keep listening to it..
Getting so overwhelmed by what it's saying.

Everyone else is getting their own.
I can see it blooming all around.

last beat

Spent the whole day downtown with roommie and her bf.
It was very kind of them, accompanying me to shop around buying stuff for "the night" I've been RATHER excited about, LATELY. (before, I wasn't. It's always kinda late for me to get excited over that kinda thing. AT LEAST, I think so)
PROM NIGHT!

Last night was a "girls' night" for me and my roommates.
Well, except Bliss.
Shared a lot of things, including our dark secrets..
Everything we'd not shared with anyone else before. Oops..
*gasps*

Now I know a bit MORE about MORE things.
The taboo, the unseen.

Laptop was confiscated for a night and a day.
I just got it back now. But it was all good.
Finally, I didn't spend the night staring at my laptop, instead spending the night talking to them till 2am.
And.. Now, I don't have to lend them my laptop ANYMORE.
(Isn't that good? Haha! *evil laughter*)
But, too bad for them.

Last exam for me tomorrow..
Everyone's celebrating today, but tomorrow will be my turn!
(though I've been kinda ignorant of studying TOO seriously for these last two exams)

Gotta refresh my memory one more time tonight.

whotheheckisobamaobama

..
I just read Nissa's blog.
CRAP!
It reminded me.. that..
I didn't blog on that day when history was made!
I was elated too, to know that Obama won.
And how dare I didn't write it down here!
For me to read in the future, how happy I was!
Man..

Anyways..

Nissa said: (http://www.myempty-thoughts.blogspot.com/)

"You may say 'So what? He's just another president of the US, thousands of miles away from here'. Well, I happened to learn that whatever happen in the west, will affect the whole world in one way or another. And I don't fancy to have another world war being on the verge of errupting. I might not be accurate in my knowledge, but I truly hope Obama will bring about some humanities around."

But, I say:

"Ooooobama! The guy who was once in Menteng 1 elementary school in Indonesia."

It concerns me too, u know. Because he was once studying in Indonesia, my country. Isn't that a "wow"?

Menteng students overjoyed with Obama's win

The Jakarta Post | Wed, 11/05/2008 3:02 PM | Jakarta

"Obama... Obama... Obama... We love you!" yelled hundreds of students from all grades in a Menteng elementary school in Central Jakarta on Wednesday, as they watched results come in for the U.S. presidential election.

Students and teachers were overjoyed to suspend classes, gather in a 1,500 square meter ballroom and witness how a former student of the school became elected the next president of the United States.

Headmaster Kuswadiyanto said the teachers and students had been starting their school day differently during the past few days.

"Every morning before lessons start, we've been praying for Barry, hoping for him to win the election," Kuswadiyanto said, as quoted by kompas.com.

As tallies on the television screen grew and confirmed Obama's win, all the students expressed their happiness by running around, scattering all over the place, dashing out of the ballroom and roaming the schoolyard even though rain was pouring down.

Obama's victory was also their victory. They were proud that the one-time Menteng student had became the leader of the most powerful country on the planet. "I want Obama to come here so we can talk with him," said Ajo, a fifth grader.

The teachers said the school would pray for Obama again on Thursday. "We want to express our thankfulness, so we will continue praying for him.... Today we are just enjoying this victory with the students," Kuswadiyanto said. (and)

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/11/05/menteng-students-overjoyed-with-obama039s-win.html

AND!

I just realised something.
Isn't it amazing, that the world's most populated Muslim nation - Indonesia, can now be more supportive towards America, through the new leader - Obama?
You know how anti-America most of the radical Muslim Indonesians were, but now..
Everything, well, seems to change a little bit.
Well, it's fine if the rationale used to be supportive towards him is just because he once studied in Indonesia..
The bottom line is that, hey behold, Indonesians are supporting a leader in USA!

Yeah. Not only Indonesians.
But also the whole world, especially those groups in certain countries who used to be anti-America, will now see this world's great power in a more positive light - through a figure of a" black" Barrack Obama.

BUT..
Don't judge a book by its cover.
It's not over. It's just the beginning.
How he represents the majority group, through his physical figure, is not the "thing" after all.
We should all see how he works things out.

Don't just be a dumb Obamaniac (or any other politician-maniac) without knowing anything about the policies etc.

But well..
I do hope that he really meant what he'd said throughout all his campaigns about making a change.
I, personally, believe that he will fulfill most of the things he said.
(but once again, we'll see)

PEACE IN THE WORLD.
STOP THE COLD WAR (that still secretly continues).

GOGOGO OBAMA!
(make Indonesia proud too, hehehe) <--- oops, excuse me, my inner thought said so hehe..

nope

maybe not..

a glimpse of joy in the midst of sorrow

peishi and me a few months ago

the mad ladies across my bed

me n bri today

m a d roommies
(minus Bliss and Winnie)
winnie took the pic

I love my roommates XD
"one of the million reasons I smile"

was doomed today. but not tomorrow

Why did it have to happen to me..
Why me.. Why me.. Why me..
I was doomed..
God, why..
No, it's not gonna happen again to me for the rest of the exams..
Please tell me that it's not going to happen again!
Are they going to be merciful enough, that I will be able to have my dream come true..

rain - scared

nah. not waiting for the bus.

waiting for the rain to stop..

.

sighs. scared.

i see heaven

i wonder..
heaven on earth..
how does it feel like?
how does it look like?
how does it taste like?
how does it sound like?
:)
hmmmmmmm.....

suratsuratsuratsuratsuratsuratsurat aaaaaahhhh..

6.40am sleep well..

the time is nearing

I am scared..

I'm not doing that well..

Help..

Philippians 4:6-7
"Never worry about anything, but in every situation let your petitions be made known to God in prayers and requests, with thanksgiving.
Then God's peace, which goes far beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

...

Philippians 4:13

" I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Confirmation Day

This was the day.. October 12, 2008.

In white shirt, white skirt, and white heels.

An Amazing Day :)

Confirmation at St. Andrew's Cathedral.

This is a ritual for Anglicans to be confirmed to say that they are part of the church.

liberty

Recently, I have always felt so empty deep inside despite getting almost everything I wanted.
This feeling, I think, I have to attribute it to my loss of focus. I have lost my focus at a very wrong moment. I've become playful and quite unusually negligent of some of my work nowadays, when it's ten days to Os. What a wonderful timing..

Today was the last day of school. Yeap, now I don't have to worry about sleeping too late and waking up so early in the morning. Nothing's restricting me anymore. I can take my time revising all the things for the exams.

I was so happy! And I still am. What a liberty!

But there's a time when I was so emotionally immersed in thoughts, thinking this was a sad thing ever; no more sharing sorrows and laughters with my buddies and teachers.

And most importantly.. THE FOOD. It was a shame to those who had played truant from Tuesday to Thursday cos they weren't able to enjoy the canteen's food for the very last time. Almost all the stalls were closed plus we weren't given recess time.

Anyways, back to my thought that moving on and leaving everything behind are the kinda things that I'm blue about.. When I reconsider it, I'd surely love to NOT go back to those tiring moments spent in school everyday for the entire year ever again. But, somehow this is just some kinda weird thought that keeps niggling in my heart although there's no point regretting that it's over. Cos I don't wish to go back to those moments again! It's just like.. "Oh, it's ashame that it's over. I'll miss it so much. But it's good too that it's fiiiinnnnaaaalllyy over."

TODAY.
I learnt something. Or rather, proved myself that something I heard was actually true.
..ie. everything's relative.
No matter how artistic an artist thinks his piece is, other people won't necessarily think the same way. Different people have different points of view.
So the bottom line is, just appreciate everything you see and hear.
The artist may want to express something that you just can't see, like how sometimes other people don't understand how you're feeling.

And, thank God the speech went smoothly. Many thanks. Expectedly unexpected, it turned out to be.

Official graduation ceremony..

banzai

I guess, I've been thinking too far..
..hoping too much.
Don't ever get your hopes up, silly silly silly Eve.
O Levels! Banzai! <-- just read some Japanese history stuff, so I get obsessed by the phrase.

rollercoaster high up

I feel eminently overjoyed and surpassingly grateful today!
WOW. That was an utterly blatant statement..

I don't know! It's just that,
nowadays, I savour such a satisfaction and fulfilment in me.
What could the rationale be?


Well, let me sort some of the possible causes out:

1. I sense a little improvement in my studies

2. I always feel so encouraged to study (doh, O Levels are coming soon!!!)

3. I have friends who really care for me after all, despite all problems I've gone through previously
4. ..friends whom I can really talk and share ideas and things with
5. ..friends who really appreciate and respect me
6. ..friends I can learn things with and from, vice versa
7. ..friends who know and accept the fact that I care for them too
8. ..and that I've come to realise that being so fretful and sensitive about how some particular friends treated me was just a waste of time as well as energy

9. I'm happy with my newly-thinned hair!

10. I've finished reading "If You Could See Me Now".. And I think "Ivan and Elizabeth" 's joy has contributed a lot to my "pocket recently-filled with sunshine"

11. My faith has been restored..

12. and.. Honestly, master has brought about a lot of colours into my life too, in spite of all the odds.. :]

13. ..a lot more.........


..now I've come to realise how blessed my life is.. or rather, has been..
Just that, I had always looked on the dark side of life; now the light has come!

Oh! One more thing..
New roommates brighten up my room :D

It's been a rollercoaster ride for the past two months.
Observing the trend, if I could draw it out in a graph paper, the graph would continue to increase..
And hence I could predict that..
This would reach the peak at the right time..
..1 precious month to prepare..
2 weeks of battle will come right through..
..and I will make it!
Amen..

After all, this is just a ride.
Now I can be up here, but there will be times where I won't be here anymore.
But, I think, I hope, it's still a very loooooooooooooooooooooong way to go..
Haha. Me and my utopian and optimistic hopes.







*angmohangmohangmohangmohangmohangmohs!* LOL!
too obsessed. damn!

..

Don't want to sleep.
Can't sleep.
Or should I actually be able to sleep then.

woohoo

wooohooooo at 00.45!

mh, ni zai na li.

AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH..
..where are you? :(

fear

I'm so scared..
The wind is so strong..

I'm so scared..
Why does the wind have to come at this point of time?

And I'm so scared..
I'm not in the expected study mode yet.

I think I'm just overparanoid.
It's just wind.

I think I'm just too paranoid.
The wind is outside and I still can close all my windows to avoid the wind blow.
I still have a proper shelter..

And I shouldn't get this anxious!
My brother; he will soon get the way out for his problem.
Me; I still have one and a half month to go. And I should be thankful I realise it now that I'm not in the expected study mode yet, so that I can work on it now.
Slowly but sure. It's not too late.
Strategy, strategy, strategy.
Pray, pray, pray.

met ultah

Ho ho ho.
Slmt ultah XD

i've been awake for 2 hours :D

ngbrl da 1jm lbh.. hoho.

it's raining.. :D

ktmktmktmktmktm

ummmmmmmmmmmmhhh..
REAL :D

tb2 ktm, ga nyangka.
pas gw lg suntuk sm sjarah.
dy bljr di luar ga ampe mlm hr ni.
hoho. hoho. hoho.

ga nyangka kt bklan sjauh ini.
apa yg diomongin ciu2 mlh bikin gw smakin yakin ma prasaan gw.

so i think that was wrong.
that wasn't right.

but all has changed.
everything's now right from my point of view.

mo ktmktmktmktmktm.. kpn? hehe....

kgnkgnkgnkgn

ummmhhh..
I want u, I want u, I want u, I want u, I want u, I want u.
But.. am I sure?
Why always me starting everything.
Is it just me?
You gave me signs too.
Are you just toying with me?

All that we could be, where this thing could go?

Arrgh..
I just listened to this song again.
But only now that I realise what he's talking about..

Only now that I realise that this song represents -it.
Maybe what my uncle said yesterday really opened my eyes..

"Has it ever crossed your mind

When we're hanging, spending time, are we just friends?

Is there more, is there more? "

"I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
There's a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time (girl), are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away
This crush ain't goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away"
Crush - David Archuleta

wake me up when september ends

"Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends"

If I should lose it..
..how I wish I could do that;
sleep in peace until September ends..

Well, extend it a bit more?

So.. Wake me up when October and November ends.

goodbye twenty four hours ago. hello september.

"Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause

I'm singing, 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And You're raising the dead in me

Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out."
Twenty Four - Switchfoot


Twenty four hours really make a lot of difference.
August and September are a lot different.

31 August and 1 September.
..Today, I was in an extremely different world from where I was yesterday.

I still don't know which one is right.
If this is right, I have to lose everything.
I have to lose everything that I had last twenty four (plusplusplus) hours ago.
I don't know if I'm sad..
..And I need someone to tell me why I should be sad.

If this is right, I have to convince myself..
..that was not real, that was not real.

Goodbye August, goodbye..
Goodbye everything.
Hello September..

the end of colourful august

This is the end of August.
This is the end of the colourful month; when both painful sorrows and beautiful moments played their part in colouring this time of the year.
And a month when I really felt that loneliness.

The day before yesterday was a satisfying day cos I got my room all cleaned.
Yesterday was a relieving day..
and a reconciliation day, I should say..
And an IKEA day!
The stuff had made my table look prettier than ever!

And it ended up with a colourful day too. Today.
Guilty, inferior, excited, disappointed, loved, encouraged, discouraged.

I think I just sense too much, if it's the right statement to express it.

I always think that nobody likes me, but at the same time I don't think so.
What do I expect to be treated actually?
Respectfully?
But.. I can be so nasty to those people I don't like whereas they still treat me exceptionally nicely, despite all the bitterness I've shown to them.
So, how am I justified to expect to be treated respectfully by everyone?
Maybe, those who don't appreciate my presence just don't like me,
and they have the rights to do so and it's fair
since I also do that to those people I don't like.

Sometimes I feel that it just sucks to be me; to always feel this way, drowned in this misery pitying myself.
And it sucks to always feel that it sucks to be me.

In addition, I don't know where -it- is going to..
Should I continue what I've been doing?
How will it end up?
What if someday I won't have it anymore?
There will be a big hole. How will it feel like, I really can't imagine.
This is already very far. And now I don't want to lose it.

However, those worries and uncertainties must not trouble me at this point of time at all!
I should focus. Exactly 50 days. Madness.. :
Should get the 12-point prelims results to spur me on, not to relax.
(10 - thanks to unexpectedly amazing CCA points)
That's one thing that surprised me to a certain extent.

No, SHUT UP! Don't be too proud!

310808 - 010908 00.11am

Colourful August after all

Malay
CCA Points
Thank God for those two.

Thank God for Joanne, for the quality time we had together, having all the fun and indulgence on August 16..

Thank God, you have somehow led me back to You again..

Lonely.. I need something else, more than this!
Thank God for this thing which I actually don't really think it's right.
It's addictive.. but as long as the "drugs" are present, I'll surely be fine and satisfied.
But, how long will this last?
..But I couldn't believe it still that we're moving somewhere.
Somewhere that I'm not sure whether it's where I do and will want to be.

Thank God, English oral is over.

Sighs.

Singfest..

My brother came..
Inspiring me and cheering my days up..
Telling me not to worry..
Encouraging me to study..
And the effect was like no one ever did before.
It was perfect..

Arab St, Bugis, Ikea, Link hotel..

I thought this month would have been the most wonderful month ever.
But I think I was wrong.

Or maybe, the fun only lasted when my brother's still here.



Nothing could have been worse than today.



Shit, damn him who had discouraged me!
FFFFFFFFFFFF!
He looked at me with such disdain.
I couldn't face it.



Broken.



But maybe it's not enough for me.

I received a call from mom in the bus -while myself had already chocked-
just to have another reason to choke even more!

I couldn't believe my ears for hearing that news.

Rest in peace, my uncle..

second day of SINGFEST

August 3, 2008

it was just OKAY.

Just loved:
1. one republic
2. panic at the disco

the rest, just alright..

;]

THE AMAZING first day of SINGFEST

August 2, 2008
1. met Shaun and Jonny (Crowned King) at the merchandise booth while queuing up to get in.
took pictures with Shaun only.
wanted him to sign on my belt, but he already ran away after a lot of people took pics with him.

2. touched Chris' (Melee) hand while he was singing.
it was sooooooooo awesome! :D
was thinking of not washing my hand after that. but, oh well..

3. Jeff from Simple Plan saw me asking for his guitar pick. I GOT IT FROM DAVID!
it was an eye contact! really, i swear. he was like, saying, "okay".
after that, he threw at my direction. but somebody behind me took it away from me.
shit.
but, after that, David threw his guitar pick.
..i was looking for it on the ground. and.. I GOT IT!! :D

4. Travis' bassist, Dougie Payne, kept looking at OUR DIRECTION (me and nissa) and SMILING AT US! GOSH! :D
wowiee! it was amazing. unbelievable.
we were at the very front row.
the feeling was great when we realised that he REALLY smiled AT US!
A LOT OF TIMES!
during encore, we shouted: WE LOVE YOU (Dougie Payne)!

5. Chris from Melee. WOW! He's.. for real! hahahs.
gosh! we took a picture with him after Travis' performance.
he was talking to some angmoh audience (or maybe, his family? i don't know)
I got him signed my BELT! my GERMANY BELT! hahs.
Nissa hugged him!
He hugged me too while we took the picture
(it was before Ray took over my position, damn you!)


6. Again, Shaun and Jonny from Crowned King!
we were walking out.
suddenly we saw them still hanging out at the merchandise booth!
so we approached them again, took a picture.
got Jonny signed my BELT!
got Shaun signed my new converse shoe (right side)!
hugged them! :) ohhhh..

7. ....was looking for Travis, but it was just impossible. sighs.



happy!!!! ;)

sleepless slumber on prelim days

Sleeping makes people happy after they are awake.

Yeah, that statement is believable.
It is supported by another source. The radio.
(Although there is only a phrase saying: The TV is never wrong, I think it works too for radio)
The radio 98.7 says that sleeping makes women grumble less.
So..
Guys, let your girls have enough sleep to make them happy!
If they are happy, you will be happy too!

Umm..
I couldn't be bothered by that fat hope anymore.
Who cares. Don't wanna give a fig.

It was so touching.
When I was rushing off to study at *$ (Starbucks -abreviation by Nissa),
Ahpa called me to come closer to him.
I thought it to be a joke.
But I just complied with it.
"..give me your two hands.."
I was like.. "Wth is he gonna do?"
"..now, close your eyes.."
He held my hands.

..then the prayer went..
Uhh, it was soooo sweeeet.
"May you bless her with Your wisdom for her exams and be the best.."

But, I'm so sorry that I might disappoint you this time.
I screwed up my prelims.
Should've been able to score well enough for my history paper.
But, 12marks have gone because of my carelessness.
I MISREAD THE QUESTION!

Alright, still gotta move on.

in vain

This is all confusion.
Their attitude towards me.
Sometimes makes me feel like I'm abandoned, sometimes my suspicion seems totally wrong.

And I'm just waiting in vain.
This is only a fat hope after all.

The photographs. They speak a thousand words.
Though ambiguous, they mean at least something.

Why does it always rain on me?
I'm just none of those perfect ones who deserve a perfect one.
Sometimes I just hate myself for being me. But there's no point in it.

Things just won't turn out to be like what I've been expecting.
Sighs. Too high an expectation.

No good. Must resist myself from doing it again. But, how?

Prelims.

i dont need an imitation.

thanks to Daniel. I really would like to acknowledge him for what he has done.. This is a phrase by him to express happiness:

"I'm happy till the extent of I can kiss every single bees out there.."

Tomorrow is prelim and I still feel so relaxed. Oh gosh. How could this be?

And my night study and group study, nearing the prelim itself, all screwed up.
Why so?

But, I'll never regret tonight.
If Daniel had never urged me to do so, it would never end up this way.
And.. I wouldn't be this happy at all.

"Cause it's you in my arms tonight.. I don't need an imitation." -Imitation, Melee.
;]

Dan, I'd need no more imitation like what you created last night.
Cause tonight I found the real creation. Haha..

Shit. Prelim is tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!

inevitable mosh.inc

It's gonna be a marvelous day!
Yoo!

Thanks, mom and dad for allowing me to go for it.

Now, it's time to study for prelim.
After it's all over, it's time to have fun..

:)

regretted what i said. loved today.

I regretted what I had just said here yesterday.
So, I made the posts private.

My mood changed to be better in the day. That's good.

I love my hair now. I feel so fresh and untroubled.
But, I didn't like how the person did her service.
Very unprofessional.
I shouldn't go to that salon anymore ever again.
I shouldn't recommend my friends to go there either.

I saw a rainbow while waiting for the bus at the bus interchange.
I saw it again when I was in the bus, reminding me when I saw a rainbow from inside the bus in Germany.
I saw afternoon's sun penetrating through the tall trees around Bedok Reservoir from inside the bus.
It reminded me too, when I saw the same thing in Germany..
Hhhh, Germany..

Tomorrow.. It's gonna be a cooool day ;]
lols. Can't wait to see how it's gonna turn out to be.

I still can't decide.
Malay or Indian, ah?

Tchoukball for tomorrow's PE. Gonna love it.

PingYiTchoukballRules

It was really unexpected and beyond belief..
Thank God.. We came in FIRST!
We didn't fall into the FIRST-RUNNER UP circle like I'd been experiencing for the past one month.
NO MORE FIRST-RUNNER UP!

We played better against KCP which was stonger than TK.
We played TK first, meaning that we weren't really warmed up yet.
And, their weaknesses made us not able to really play the game well.
It's like, we were influenced by their ill preparedness in terms of even knowing the rules of the game and basic stuff like how to shoot and catch PROPERLY.
We were deprived from doing the usual thing.
PLUS.. They shouted a lot of vulgarities when they couldn't do things properly or when we did something by mistake towards them (like, accidently pushed them)
*venomous mouths with the (--puuck--) you and stuff*

I'm very very sure that we all looked quite stupid in the first game.
Winning didn't make us proud.
Only the second which was also the last game for us against KCP, the victory even made some of my teammates cry. me, not included.
LOLS.

I felt soooo hyper today!
We cheered together for the guys, our guys' team also cheered for us :)
We even cheered for other school! KCP :)
It was very fun! We did something like a wave, like what soccer spectators usually do.

Oh, man..
It was our last game. Our first and last game ever as Ping Yi Tchoukball Team.
But we made it to be the first! ..in Singapore.
We felt so proud of everyone in the team.
I am so proud of especially my side's partners: Alisa, Rilwana, Azleen.

Even though all of us did quite numbers of mistakes on the court, but we never blamed each other!
We even encouraged each other to do better..
That's the spirit I like from our team :)

We had done a good job, attempting to shout (dominating the court to bring the spirit up) and cheer and encourage each other..

We celebrated Farah's birthday. She was surprised and so happy :)
Ate Pizza Hut (Mr Rezal treated us yaaay!) while listening to music in his homeroom.

What a nice end for our tchoukball life in secondary school..
I LOVE PING YI TCHOUKBALL!
I'm gonna miss everything!

Can't wait to be called up there in front of the students during assembly in the morning.
Announcement of our victory.

:D

TCHOUKBALL-A SPORT FOR ALL

I'm reading articles about tchoukball. The history and stuff.
I then finally realised that it is indeed a SPORT FOR ALL.
I will never regret that I once decided to take up this sport.

Now, I declare that..
I WILL CONTINUE TO PLAY TCHOUKBALL AS WELL AS TO PROMOTE THIS GAME TO EVERYONE.

Oh gosh.. I'm being so 'what'. Sighs.

irony of life

I find that this year is very ironic. I don't even know if this word is appropriate to describe what I mean.
I'm supposed to peak in terms of studying this year, cos this is my last year whereby I have to take my O Levels.
However, I become closer to a lot of friends, I'm more committed to a lot of co-curricular activities ONLY THIS YEAR, such that I'm refrained from studying very hard.
I'm scared. I'm worried.
Why this year?
I know the answer myself though.
It's because this is my second year here. Of course I would have more friends and become closer to them this year. It's common sense.
I don't really like this. But I like it..! But.. it makes me so sinful by being lazy and succumbing to hanging out with friends instead of studying.

And also, this sinful laptop.. GOSH!
Why did I get this laptop from my friend?
I love it so much. Indulging myself in the cyberspace.. But I don't like it!
Cos it deprives me from studying!
NO.. I feel so scared! NO!

But.. I think this is kinda the right time too to enjoy my time with friends.
Since it's the last year of school.
I'm gonna miss secondary school life.. My friends, my school.. All the hurts, brokenness, failures, as well as the happy times, precious moments, amusing experiences..
I have to confess that I REALLY LOVE MY FRIENDS.

Hmm..
Everything, the enjoyable moment, is gonna be over, one by one..
Band was one of it that was already over.

Tomorrow is gonna be the last day of us playing tchoukball as Ping Yi Tchoukball Team.
I'm gonna miss the training we had.
Today, it was the last training with the school team ever..
Sobs.

Everything, sadly, has an end.

yayayayayyyy

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO "HYPER" TODAY..

but, i'm quite sad for estee..
don't be sad, fishy butt..

i don't know what's so special about today,
maybe i should say that nothing's so special today,
but i just feel so high!

anyway, i almost finished my book!

A SPECTACLE OF CORRUPTION by DAVID LISS.
rocks my world!

the champions

Germany. You're still the champions in my heart.
You'll never lose my support at all. Never at all.
See you again in the World Cup 2010.
It's more than a joy to see you play in the field.

I attribute the victory of Spain to their good luck during the game.
Well, I also want to humbly admit that they have more capable and younger players in their squad.
I didn't take much delight in watching the game this morning, though.
Partly, because I was so upset.

To my subjective view, German players are still the best.
Irreplaceable, they are.
White jersey with black strips.
Deutscher Fussball Bund.

I will have no ears for those mocking and letting me down by reminding my champions' loss.

Naaaah! I'm.. possessed! Europe!

final match before 2010

FINAL MATCH. GERMANY VS SPAIN.
Who's gonna be the champion of Euro 2008?

I'm so happy to have witnessed every single Germany's match. Never missed even one.
I feel so proud to be a faithful Germany fan to have done that! Lol.
I'm so happy to see Germany in the final round!
I never expected it to happen actually.
I now feel sorry that I had ever underestimated my own favourite team.

It will be the last match that I will see before the World Cup 2010.
The last moment to cheer for my favourite team. I will enjoy and treasure it. Tonight.
Sighs. Quite sad.
There will be no more fun with my friends fussing about the match..

Beach Tchoukball - Fun at Novena

I simply love today. So much. Even though I had failed to carry out my plan to study after coming back from Beach Tchoukball Tournament.

The joy that I did a good job on one or two games at the tournament..
The joy of being the FIRST.. runner up (lol) of the tournament, they didn't really matter to me.

The thing is that..

We shared laughter together. Making fun of Mark, Joshua, etc. And, making fun of me too, of course. Sighs.

I was the only girl. Haha. But, I don't feel awkward at all. I'm used to it. Errhm, but don't think that I like to flirt with them, no. It's just that.. I don't know what. Haha. But it's not that I like to flirt with them. TRUST ME!

I felt quite guilty after losing to the Fury Warrior (is that how you spell it? hmmm I don't know), cos I wasn't able to catch any of the balls.
So I was sad. Mainly because of that, not really of our loss to the FW.

Anyway, after the tournament ended.. We made use of the vouchers that we got. (we got a lot of other exciting souvenirs too, apart of the trophy and medals)
Went to Kopitiam to eat using the $2 voucher.
Walked around Velocity at Novena, looking for a stuff that we all could buy and then use together. Of course, using the $10 voucher given :P
Having so much fun! yeah yeah yeah!

Sorry, guys.. I am a girl. I can't help but wanting to stare at cute stuff all the time.
Haha. Sorry to make you guys wait when I bought a new Adidas shoebag and Adidas spray.
The spray, turned out to be the same as my roommate's. Haha.

Yeah. So.. We ended up buying slippers at Lonsdale.
Buy 2 get 1 free. $9.90 just nice!
There were 9 of us. And 3 of us didn't have the voucher.
So, each of us just had to pay $1 to cover the ones who didn't have the voucher.

It's gonna be fun! Wearing the same slippers after training. Yeayy!

We took some stupid pictures showing how happy we were. Yeahh.
I love calling them "Kids.. Get outta this shop, fast."
Cos they often got hooked to some particular shop too.
Haha.
It was really a time of fun.

YEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYYYY.


I simply love today. I simply love Novena. Velocity. Wooaaahhhhrrrr.....

candid shot in the train

yaww yaww. in the train.. oh no! my face was all but flash! oh. maybe, they're taking pic with FLASH! wow!

at city hall interchange - mrt station.

proud with the trophy and the LONSDALE, as though we were sponsored by LONSDALE.

impossible thing happens in soccer

oh myy gosh i can't believe it!
was expecting netherlands to win russia! but.. no 3-1 for russia!
so shocking!
nonononononononononononononononononoooo!
see the sky is showing its anger now..
lightning, thunder, wind blowing so strong..
aaarrrrrhhh!
so scary!

6.22am

germany overrules my life.

..then i came to read my old messages three months plus ago.
germany..
it made me feel sooo strange.
shit!
what happened to me!
i really miss germany so much that i couldn't think!
i feel so refrained from doing anything at all!
is it my fault that i put germany stuff in everything, that everytime i see it my feeling hurts a lot?

it has been 3months plus but it still can't get out of my head!

i miss my bro! i miss the moments we shared in germany together!
frankfurt..
the streets.. kaiserstrasse and other strasses that we passed by..
the that shop i've forgotten the name already.. where i was looking for a bell for my guardian.
another shop and another shop which was a souvenir shop where i finally found the bell at.
the train.. the station.
the kebab shop where we had our dinner together at.. in the middle of the damn cold rainy evening.
the moment when i told him that i need to shee shee that he told me to just do so at the toilet in the train station.
the cafe, the chocolate drink he bought for me, where we were waiting for the time to come for him to go back home and for us to go to the airport.
the moment when he passed me some money for allowance,
when he bought the train ticket,
when he showed me how to go to the train station ourselves without him,
since he had to go back earlier than us.
if not, he would have to wait for another around 1hour for the next train.

the moment where he hugged me before leaving for kaiserslautern..
i held back my tears with a great effort that day..
it was so painful for me to hold back my tears on the plane too.
every second was a struggle for me.

the euros he gave me, it's still kept nicely. i just don't want to exchange it and use it to pay my lodging fee.

darn! everytime i see germany's match, i will miss germany even more!

darn! i really miss a&o hostel.
every hostel that we stayed at..
i missed the moment we had having the breakfast and dinner together.
lunch at chinese restaurant, some other restaurant also, and kebab.
i miss the moment when we shopped and walked around the shopping centre.
i miss H&M! pimkie..
i miss alan, winston and the bus driver..
i miss all the journey.
i miss being in the middle of the sea of angmohs..
i miss the weather.
i miss the snow..
i miss wearing those layers of clothes..
i miss germany!
i miss germany!
i miss germanyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

30-hr awake.germany3-2portugal.no regret.

they were on fire in the match against portugal.

it was the most marvellous match ever seen. (believe me, i'm just exaggerating. there were a lot of more extravagant match before, i think.)

in just 4mins (eh, is it 4 or 6? haha), bastian schweinsteiger and miroslav klose respectively could score 2 goals for their team.

ballack scored the third one :)

although the very few last minutes were even more thrilling than before, due to portugal's consistent attempt at the attacking zone, germany's defence was still as strong as a fortress.

3-2. it's worth it.



i was already prepared (actually half prepared) if germany were to lose to portugal.

but, schweinsteiger made me see how high-spirited they were in the match that i wanted to believe in them once again that they really could make it.

it was proven true by him. the first goal was tremendous!

it was only at the 22nd minute of the game had he already made germany's fans proud.

another pride was brought by klose just in the next 4 (or 6) mins.

ballack scored at the second half of the game.



there were a lot of awkward, obvious and silly perjuries (or rather, it was the referee's carelessness).

some fouls were not supposed to be given yellow card, but he just did give.

ironically, some fouls which were supposed to be given yellow card, he didn't.



anyway, that was the most enjoyable match for me.

since i watched with the other 3 portugal supporters, making me standing alone to support germany.

but it was fun. i can make the others feel jealous and dissatisfied. and also, made them realise how upset they were. haha.

oh gosh, i'm so cruel. nonono. it was just for.. fun. and i didn't really do that actually.



this is.. 30hour-consciousness.

wow..



i haven't had my sleep.

i took my physics mock exam paper 2 like a zombie; eyes open so widely, but my mind was sleeping.

i didn't even totally contemplate on what i was writing on my answer script.

hope that it would make sense.

fail will i. i think.

sighs..



but i never regret. for germany.

17june08

i watched germany vs austria at nissa's house.
i and nissa missed the first half of the game cos we overslept until 2am.
i felt very happy to see them win and make it through the next round, yeah babe!
i felt disappointed cos lukas podolski was out of the field nearing the end of the game. however,
i felt relieved. finally michael ballack had recovered from his goal-infertility.he scored.free kick.

i and nissa couldn't wake up on time this morning to go to school, so..
i and nissa didn't go to school today for "extra lessons on holiday". so..
i and nissa continued sleeping until 2 or 3. after that,
i and nissa ate lunch, yummy.

i felt guilty. because of me wanting to watch germany's match, we didn't go to school. however,
i and nissa studied. self-study. to get rid of my guilty feelings for causing us not go to school.

i added quite a lot of songs into my mp3 from nissa's comp.

i was shocked last night to know how actually podolski's voice sounded like.
i thought it would sound like those cheeky ones, but it turned out to be very deep and so manly!
i smiled :)

i am upset cos that person checked me out but didn't reply to that. but,
i am so happy to.. finally.. see that face again! the profile. the photos.

beautiful people camp 13-15june

too many things to learn. making me sick and disturbed! knowing that it'll be hard to put those things into action. but still, very grateful.

my trainer in that camp said that my dreams are not too idealistic. they are reasonable.

falling down hurt. took up a lot of courage and strength to get up and pull myself up. tough. hard. hated it. hate it.

and i realised that i am actually not easy to get excited. for some things. whereas others are for those particular ones.

gonna go to that home again next week after the kungfu panda treat cum lunch.

the grand luxurious regent hotel was too much to ask for. loved it!
had not been enjoying such facilities for months. the last was in november and was not that high class. tv, tub (sh*t, didn't bathe! only showered), air-con, spring bed. buffet dinner! heaven on earth!

thanks to big sisters. beautiful people..
despite regret for joining the camp at the beginning, it turned out to be so cool in fact that i benefited a lot.

dreams.. leaders.. care.. those kinda bullshit theoretical stuff put into activities which were the analogies to the real life.
annoying, but beneficial.
but, not easy to put into action in real life.

and.. not really miss the regent, instead i miss germany and all its stuff i enjoyed there. weird.

i'm not in the mood.

i need to force myself to face book. not facebook.

sorrows

darn.
i went all the way there, sacrificing my time and rest, just to witness how they were being defeated by those newbies.
germany vs croatia 1-2
why oh why..

it hurt me so much to see how my babies struggled to even defend and keep the ball away from being tackled by the croatians.

but, at least my star broke the goal drought.
one goal was scored after the half break..
..after a whole period of silliness, injustice and struggling.

i know it may sound very childish, but from the bottom of my heart, i really hate croatia for defeating germany..
as much as i hated italy when they defeated germany in the world cup 2006.

although i agree that the croatians were far more prepared in terms of strategies, speed and accuracy; and that the germans were quite slow and not successful in carrying out their strategies, there were too many dramas, fakes and injustice going on!

freak the referee! freak the croatian players too!
i witnessed so many faked fall-downs by the croatians that made the referee think that the germans committed foul.

joachim loew, his strategies didn't turn out to be successful.
and i think he was very slow to get schwensteiger into the field.
once he got in there, he helped quite a lot.
but, carried away by emotion and anger, he got a red card by pushing a croatian guy who finally got yellow card since he committed foul to schwensteiger at first.

and again, gomez was really a spoiler. it was proven in this match!
darrrn!

also, there were too many loop holes in germany's defence and offence.
these hence disprove what i had said before.
their defence and offence were not that strong..
:(

ballack, oh gosh.
he had been deproving, i know.
since the world cup in 2006.. :(

come on, germany! you all must buck up!
whereas croatia, both their offence and defence were superb!
ohh darn, i should admit that! :S i hate it..

but oh well..
i'm just being too fanatic, too exaggerating, too excited and silly here.
just ignore me..

i hope poland and austria will draw.
i hope and i'm pretty sure that germany will beat austria.
so in conclusion, i believe that germany will go to the next round.

ignore me!!

darn, i have to wake up again in 4 hours' time for camp which i had been reluctant to participate in.

13june, sobs..

modest guy, podolski

from http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,559011,00.html


ROW OVER GERMAN DUAL-NATIONALITY FOOTBALLER
Politician Demands Poland Strip Podolski of Citizenship
A Polish far-right politician wants Polish-born German striker Lukas Podolski, who scored both goals in Germany's 2-0 victory over Poland in the European Championship on Sunday, to be stripped of his Polish citizenship.



No cheers: Podolski didn't celebrate either of his goals against the country of his birth.
A Polish politician has demanded that German national team football player Lukas Podolski be stripped of his Polish citizenship, according to German media reports.
....
His comments came after Polish-born Podolski, who holds both German and Polish passports, scored twice in Sunday's 2-0 German victory over Poland in the EURO 2008 European championship (more...).

In a separate interview, Orzechowski told Polish newspaper Dziennik: "If someone performs in the colors of a foreign state, there's already a desire there to renounce citizenship. You can't say it more clearly. And the president should interpret that fact like this: that it's intentional."

Podolski made headlines in Germany because his reaction to his two goals against Poland was noticeably muted. He didn't smile or cheer and even held his head in his hands after one of the goals.

"I didn't celebrate because Poland is part of my heart," the 23-year-old striker told German television after the match. "I left when I was two, but my dad and uncle and other relatives were in the stand. You have to have some respect for the country."

Podolski's teammates and Germany's media showed understanding for his attitude. German national team manager Oliver Bierhoff said Podolski had made a "nice gesture" by refraining from celebrating. "The only important thing was that he scored two goals for us," he said.

Polish supporters at the match in Klagenfurt, Austria, also showed their respect for Podolski by standing up when the announcement came that he had been declared "man of the match."

Podolski's behavior and the media coverage of it may have helped to diffuse tensions caused by a tabloid war between Polish and German media last week.

Polish paper Super Express had angered German commentators and politicians by printing a photo montage of Polish coach Leo Beenhakker holding the severed heads of German captain Michael Ballack and coach Joachim Löw under the headline "Leo, Bring us Their Heads!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

..Never mind how angry the Polish are.
Oh gee! Podolski is really a very modest and respectful man!
I was really moved upon reading that the reason why he didn't celebrate his goals was because he respected his home country..
:)

first time

gosh!

i was screwed up today!
overslept and couldn't go for tchoukball training in the morning.
trying to study, only managed to do 20MCQ physics questions.
panic panic panic! i'm supposed to study during holidays!
but my body can't abide with what my brain always tells it.

didn't want to go for basketball training at tjc, at first.
cos i felt nervous and scared that i couldn't improve on my playing.
however, my brain kept forcing myself to go.
until some friends encouraged me to, then i decided to follow what my brain had said.

aiya. thanks so much, brain.
you talk so much, but still very lousy.
cos you can hardly make your friends move.

during the drill, before we played a game, i almost fainted.
my first experience!
luckily, i was aware of my condition. i was unwell.
not enough sleep, i think, due to being 24-hour awake yesterday.

could feel my heart pounding even on my neck.
it was so ticklish! eww! gross! could also feel my blood rushing off inside my body, especially in the chest. at the heart part. felt very funny. but, really not nice at all!

after telling my buddy for that particular drill, i went off to the water cooler.
however, walking felt like flying to me.
my vision was blurred. there was one hole of a quite clear view of the surroundings, whereas the rest was just.. i don't even know what it was.
red? black dots? or.. oh, yeah! it's kinda, like the negative of a photo!
my ears were all blocked. i could hear nothing but echoes.

but, thanks, coach. for giving us encouragement to study for o levels.
even she gave us amaths paper to practice :)
what a nice coach..

after that, went to eat ajisen ramen at tampines mall with annmarie and ng teng.
from cedar girls.
real nice girls :D

happy for spain and holland's victory!
:]

GERMANY VS POLAND: 2 - 0

Lukas Podolski. after scoring the second goal.

lukas podolski scored twice, the hero of the past, present, n future.

down to earth, he is.

shown by his face after scoring the 2goals in the match.

perfect duet, he n klose. forever! salute!

it just felt nice to see them play again.

it'd been two years since the last time i saw them play in world cup 2006.

was so amazed to witness the perfect duet still able to orchestrate a beautiful goal just like what they did two years ago.

and despite lukas podolski's change in his attacking position.

i'm so sorry but i have to say that..

his position's replacement, gomez, was just.. pretty useless.

good collaboration between podolski and klose

my star! he scored!

their defence was just.. amazing!

thanks mertesacker, philipp lahm, etc.

their cooperation.. no one can beat it!

the duet, and especially the trio.

podolski, klose, schwansteiger, whose collaboration resulted in the second goal scored by podolski.

schwansteiger (just went in to the field) passed to klose,
klose passed to podolski. PERFECT!

they are really down-to-earth and always play a high-class game.

this is not a propaganda! but they are the truly perfect football team in my heart. no one could take their special VVIP place.

exchanged jersey with poland, applauding the audience

24hour consciousness

watched soccer with daniel at simpang bedok.

austria vs croatia, it was rough. not that interesting though..
watching it was kinda struggle to beat my sleepiness as how austria struggled to score even one goal.
imagine..
the excitement whereby a goal was scored was only at the 3rd minute.
the rest.. ahhh.
so i dozed off during second half of the game.
at the end, nothing changed.

germany vs poland, i was awake the whole game!
even more than ever before!
they were just amazing!

i just can't wait to watch them play again. next game: vs croatia.

now it's 7.57 in the morning.
got back home at around 6.30, came online and took a shower.
after that continued on being online.

have to go soon for percussion meeting to create new cadances for the coming performances.
i'm no more performing.
alumni have to contribute to the making of the new cadances for the juniors to perform.

it's gonna be.. more than 24hour consciousness for me!
except a few minutes spent sleeping in the bus on the way back home.

oldiee

and, i just couldn't get myself not distracted by the presence of my lousy 10-year-old laptop before my eyes.

(you....how would i phrase this..)
umm.. 1conversation window popped up. it's him.
third time i met him online on the same day (dawn, morning, midnight).

been talking to each other frequently lately during this holiday.
about anything; serious or just crap and random stuff as how he likes it.
but basically, everything we talk about, how crappy that would be, surely benefits me and our friendship. (does it benefit you too, anyway? lol. don't ask me in what ways tho)

he kept making fun of me insightfully without him noticing it.
including; saying that i loved showering so much.
when actually it just happened that i always came online before showering.

this guy is really really disappointed in his own country and the people.
like me. but the difference is, i'm being too idealist, wanting to make a change in my country.

too bad i "might" not be here anymore when he "might" come to singapore after he graduates. lol.

thanks for the praise for me. (oh, i'm supposed to praise you, huh? gosh.)
he's.. very good! making me stay up till.. 6am in the morning. very well.. lol.

he always throws sudden but at the same time tough questions to me, which make me think. that shows how good he is at this. maybe he could be a lawyer, if he wants to.

and he's very good also at making me jealous of the food he cooks.

enough, oldie? :P

yeah, i'm weird. so are you.. :)

19-hour non stop consciousness

watched narnia today at cine leisure.
was great. loved the feeling when the movie led me feel as though i was travelling back to the past with peter and the rest.
i always love this kinda historical fiction movie..
made me imagine how thing would be if i were in their shoes.
being in that period would be so stylooo!
somehow, the castles shown in the picture reminded me of Neuschwanstein in Germany.
: darnnn! i miss it so, too much!

bought adidas water bottle for my roomie. regretted that i had bought mine before 23may that i bought it at $9 whereas now it's already $6.30! lucky you, roomie :]
and the colour was.. baby pink! there was no such colour when i bought mine, so i bought black-black.
and you, roomie, you don't want to exchange with me.. i feel so sad! :(

subway for lunch before movie started.
however, for dinner, it was kinda difficult for us to decide.
walking around here and there until city hall, we still couldn't decide.

decision makers are not us, really. we are just hopeless! (namely: me, nissa, cedrick, estee -the blacklisted people, lol)

finally, after our legs felt tired, we ended up eating pastamania.
couldn't get our ass off the chairs even after we finished the food.

once again, these blacklisted people, couldn't decide how to go home.
another confusion came: should we go home or go to east coast, lying on the beach gazing at the cloudy skies.
after it got pretty late, we finally went back home. safely. (if not, i wouldn't have written this)

power of love

it was tremendous!
i felt so moved seeing some of the girls have really changed and can even do something useful.
THE POWER OF LOVE..
thanks to TJC (Mr Han Yong, Kai Ing, n other students), Eunice Olsen, everyone!

the preparation as well as the thing itself, really brought everyone together as one.

however, it then led me to realise that some of the new girls are so.. aiih. annoying and full of drama.

it was tiring. but, quite relieved upon enjoying the performances.
especially, honestly speaking, Eunice Olsen's and some bands' performances.
very attractive.

FEEDING ME UP

that really messed up my afternoon, but luckily not my whole day.

he's overtly biased. i am sure. below is the explanation as well as the proofs why i can assure you that he is indeed.
i got scolded by the security guard for wearing slippers into the school, which i didn't even know that it was not allowed.
if that only was the case, i would've admitted it sincerely then.
"THE 5MOST IMPORTANT WORDS: I ADMIT I MADE MISTAKES"

but..
this man was making me fed up!

firstly, he accused me of pretending to not hear him shouting at me.
hello? i was listening to my favourite 98.7 with my earpiece stuck on my ears, how would you expect me to hear you, hey dearest uncle..
take off my earpiece when coming into the school? you don't have the rights to say that whatsoever, uncle!
that's my own problem! my own mp3 player. my own earpiece. my own EARS!
you want to take control of my life, is it?
moreover, it's a school holiday! i didn't have any classes at all. i am sure school allows me to bring mp3..

secondly, he was asking me the reason why i wore slippers.
when i was half-way answering, he said that he didn't want to hear the word "because.." that i had just spoken of.
then, uncle, what do you expect your WHY question to be replied with? other than by "because.."?
have you learnt ENGLISH LANGUAGE before?

thirdly, i was made to be scared by his threat: "...or else, i would report to mr ismail (the operational manager, or the discipline master? haha i don't even know :P)"
hello? i'm not a little girl who needs to be threatened. i understand NORMAL EXPLANATION and WOULD LIKE TO ABIDE WITH IT.

fourthly..
this is the last but not the least at all.
i saw some of my friends coming into the school wearing slippers JUST BEFORE HIS SUPPOSINGLY-NORMAL EYES!
he just PRETENDED that he saw nothing.
I WITNESSED THAT!
this..
this really proves that he is completely biased!
BIASED!
BIASED!!!

i was really angry!

sexist? are you, uncle?
scared of guys? are you, uncle?
then, what are you?
why did you treat me that way?
where is the justice in this school?

INTEGRITY, RESPECT, CARE.
yeah.. right.
perhaps there's a reason why they didn't put "FAIRNESS" or "JUSTICE" or "EQUALITY" as one of the school mottos.

bb tjc

firstly, was a bit discontented when she said that i looked very lost (again) and that she actually scolded me in the game for not passing enough.
but, finally i could accept my weaknesses and learn from the mistakes i made.

thanks to her, ji hui or zhi hui haha i dont know how to spell her name.
thanks for telling me all my stupid mistakes.
thanks for telling me how i should improve on my playing.
thanks for being so patient and observant: showing me my weakness in details, explaining the steps i should take to improve in details, giving me chance to try again until i got it right.

thanks to ms ang, the lovely coach ever! :)
for giving me the opportunity to learn more from the training.
thanks for being so patient too in explaining my weaknesses to me.

i was about to not go for the training today, because i felt very uneasy and nervous about going for it.
but, well, just encouraged myself to go. find new friends. one said (ms val). new experience.
and in the end, there was something more too. new stuff to learn.

i feel that: although i'd been training so often, i'd not picked up the real skill yet. especially in a game. don't know why.
my ignorance hindered me? or my coach didn't notice since the others' weaknesses covered up mine? or.. have i lost my skill?

anyhow, i'm lousy now. well, only in a game. basic stuff, like passing, shooting (it's no longer as accurate as it used to be though), they are still okay.
but in a game, i'm completely totally absolutely lost and absent-minded.
i feel so damn stupid. haha.

thanks also to zheng chao for giving me personal training. teaching me some fakes.
but, too bad, i don't know how to use them in a game hahahahahaha.
see how stupid i am.
hrrhrhrhrhrrrrrh.

next tuesday will be another training.

superstars

this concerns about the events on last saturday, 31may08..
being one of the superstars of the day..

woke up early in the freaking morning after a tiring day training tchoukball and basketball.
walked out of the house with a hope of having a wonderful day ahead.

it was a fine morning cos i was on time, not late, to meet the others. and that's a good start of the day.
i just couldn't get my eyes off the book i have been reading. what an interesting book.
"a spectacle of corruption" by david liss. a historical fiction.
they just couldn't stop complaining me being so hooked on the book. nerd, etc. whatever!

at vivo city, people started calling out for us by the eye-catching statement on the back of our tchoukball training tshirt. "I EAT BALLS"
whateverrr! i don't care what they say. we are us.
ball eaters.

i hated nissa for bluffing me that she'd not come to join us for beach tchoukball there, when i called her from sentosa.
but thanks for buying food for us :] was really hungry.

having some difficulties jumping on the sand to shoot. even balancing myself was hardly done properly. i lost balance a few times and hence failed to pass the ball after catching.

funny thing was, i crashed with mark when trying to catch someone's shot. and it was so freaking painful for a short moment.

quite disappointed cos i kept dropping ball, shooting improperly and losing balance.

however, after a while i got used to it. though my shot was not that satisfying all the while.

he came the thrilling and interesting parts. being videoed while playing. people at the beach started to look at this unique and strange-looking game. and.. being interviewed kind of personally by the people from a channel on singtel tv cable. waikit and me.

stephanie or stephany or whatever her name is supposed to be spelled, she learnt how to play tchoukball. all of this was recorded by the cameraman.

after everything had finished, we should talk in front of the camera together.
"Hi. we are from tchoukball association of Singapore. and you are watching sling hd. only on ...(sling,.. whatever! cant remember hahaha)."

it was sooo fun! superstars.. tchoukball rocks, yeahh!

xiexie, coach.

thank God i went for the training.
it's worth the rush.
go back home from church n quickly leave for school for the training.

thanks mr rezal for asking us to come..
thanks qiurong for being my personal translator for the day.

i learnt a lot from the taiwanese coach during the training yesterday.
it's really beneficial as expected.

1.running fast to catch the ball
2.be agile and alert always
3.how to shoot in different angle

was really eager to do my very best.
but somehow he didn't comment anything on my shot from right wing.

at the end, was happy when the coach said "hao qiu" (i dont know qiu or jiu, haha) after i shot from left wing.
meaning that my shot was good.
in chinese, he said that my posture and shot were perfect (translated by one of the national team girls).

is it really something that i can finally be proud of? nope.
there are still some more skies higher above this sky.

i'm still a newbie in this game instead.
but maybe i can just make this as something that satisfies me just at this moment.
still better than nothing at all.

my dear friend, don't be dismayed by your weaknesses.
you still have a lot of talents in other things while others don't.
bagaikan kuat ketam kerana sepit, kuat burung kerana sayap.
i know sometimes i look down on myself too because i can't do certain things.
but cheer up and try to look at your life from a different angle.
see that no one's life can be perfect.

he said to mr rezal that i should've joined the girls' national team.
too bad, it's too late. their tournament is coming very soon.
and also, this year is my o level year. i can't be joining the team!

anyway.. xiexie, xiexie..