I'm a failure..

oh gosh.
I don't know what happened to me.
I thought it's going to be alright after that time, but it didn't turn out that way..
Is it because I've been mingling too much with the locals that I don't focus on my studies?
That's what I've been putting the blame on. But, I don't think it's right.
Lord, whyyy..
Did I not try hard enough? Did I not study hard enough?
Did I not rely on you enough?
Well.. yeah, I think the last ones are the true reasons why..
Or, is it because He has a better plan for me in the future?
Like.. He gives me failures so that I can grow up to be a tough woman?
or.. maybe, He wants me to peak at the right time, ie. O Levels?
But.. If I don't produce the expected results now, how can I score for my Os?

I've failed my physics mock exam for the structured questions with the terrible E8..
So, overall I got C5.
Isn't that terrible?!
Gosh!

Today, Emaths mock exam. I don't know why I just couldn't manage to get what most of my friends got!
Anyway, during the exam, I'd been thinking of what mr rezal told me about one teacher who'd always be fierce at anytime.
Suddenly, she really showed it to me..!
She scolded me when I turned my head back to talk to nissa, as she was asking me how to tie the answer papers together when there was no hole at all..
Holding back my laughter and at the same time, anger, (as I was helping her to tie the papers together!) I just smiled at her and said "Okay.." cos I understood her characteristic.
Lol. Sigh. Not funny though..

I just feel very sad..