the end of colourful august

This is the end of August.
This is the end of the colourful month; when both painful sorrows and beautiful moments played their part in colouring this time of the year.
And a month when I really felt that loneliness.

The day before yesterday was a satisfying day cos I got my room all cleaned.
Yesterday was a relieving day..
and a reconciliation day, I should say..
And an IKEA day!
The stuff had made my table look prettier than ever!

And it ended up with a colourful day too. Today.
Guilty, inferior, excited, disappointed, loved, encouraged, discouraged.

I think I just sense too much, if it's the right statement to express it.

I always think that nobody likes me, but at the same time I don't think so.
What do I expect to be treated actually?
Respectfully?
But.. I can be so nasty to those people I don't like whereas they still treat me exceptionally nicely, despite all the bitterness I've shown to them.
So, how am I justified to expect to be treated respectfully by everyone?
Maybe, those who don't appreciate my presence just don't like me,
and they have the rights to do so and it's fair
since I also do that to those people I don't like.

Sometimes I feel that it just sucks to be me; to always feel this way, drowned in this misery pitying myself.
And it sucks to always feel that it sucks to be me.

In addition, I don't know where -it- is going to..
Should I continue what I've been doing?
How will it end up?
What if someday I won't have it anymore?
There will be a big hole. How will it feel like, I really can't imagine.
This is already very far. And now I don't want to lose it.

However, those worries and uncertainties must not trouble me at this point of time at all!
I should focus. Exactly 50 days. Madness.. :
Should get the 12-point prelims results to spur me on, not to relax.
(10 - thanks to unexpectedly amazing CCA points)
That's one thing that surprised me to a certain extent.

No, SHUT UP! Don't be too proud!

310808 - 010908 00.11am