liebe. it ruins.

love hurts. love ruins.
but if you fall in love with someone you'll live with for the rest of your life, you're lucky.

having crushes is enough for now. there's a lot of time.

i've just learnt a lot.

good bye. try not to talk to me, man. haha. good luck.
diary is just a diary. all that's inside's just about the past, it shouldn't have any power over me. be less emotional.

Heimat - brings all kinda feelings

"...
I think I've lost my way.
I'm in need of shelter,
Far above this place.

I can see a castle,
High up on this hill.
Could it be my freedom,
Left to my own will?

I thought I was holding on,
But my heart slipped away.
There's nothing wrong,
That's my song,
I wanna let it play.
I wanna let it play.

This love needs a home......"

Fortress - Hope

i'm getting comfortable being here so fast and i kinda hate it. cos then i won't be able to easily overcome the homesickness after i leave.

everything in the past starts to come niggling in my mind.
all comes with some thoughts full of wonders, questions, doubts, and also some feelings of emptiness, jealousy, and dissatisfaction.
i just can't picture him with someone else.
tho i myself can picture me with someone else. that's so unfair.
ha-ha-hah. (sarcastic)
...why her? and why so much of a change!
*but, that's too much. let them be.
you didn't wanna be with him anyway. you don't and you won't*

but i need... that.. too for myself. i feel so insecure.

take me away..

ikea. with mom.

well. i love her. i swear i do. despite everything. i wanna make her happy.
she knew my obsession, but had no objection. woo.

ikea, ikea, ikea, ikea, for today.
loveditloveditlovedit. bought a stuff that i failed to buy the other day.
i felt that, i could just stay there for 4 to 5 hours admiring the things there.

couldn't find salmiakki at all.
but dinner with mom there was AWESOME :D
well, that's mom :D

mom took this. awesome, isn't it? :D
IKEA at night. b e a u t i f u l.


hope tomorrow's plan will go smoothly and turn out fine.

it's running low. and i need it the most now.
He will provide. amen.

2.10am

thedamned

it's been so long since i last listened to it.

but, this time i just can't help but listening it again. nothing can suit all this.

this was the kinda thing i was afraid of to ever happen.

nothing's gonna turn out fine everytime i'm with her.

but it's sad to know that she's like this.

that's sad. sad. sad..

how i wish she could ever change. she'll just never change. i just can't take it.
i just can't.
i can't.
i can' take it.

uplifting not

it wasn't anything that uplifting as expected, after all. instead, it made everything kinda.. worse? at least in me. my head.

but there were some unexpected stuff that encouraged me somehow.

can't believe that there are still people who say what i wanna hear.
can't believe that there are people out there who want to listen and understand..

i'm just... touched..
thanks.

welcome the new one

i think i was genius. or i had a very strong intuition. or it was just me who ruined it all. or maybe it was just meant to happen anyway, and that it was all planned so well.. that it then also means that i had a very strong intuition, conclusively.

but it was all good, after all. i know it's all for good.

and it was just at the right time. a bit dramatic tho, but i was left in awe that it was just all planned so well..

the end of something can mean the end of a lot of other things too, sometimes. that's what i've learned. the fact that it really did happen, that's what made me left in awe.

i don't ever wish anything to change. but, it'll never be the same again, however it is, whatever's said. it just won't, in a sense. it might still seem similar, but won't ever feel the same no more. (i wish that nothing should change but me solely)

but, thanks, a million thanks. all of it made me look into this person more closely than ever. and all i saw was someone that i didn't wish her to be. all i saw was someone i had long hated. she's just undesirable. who's she? how on earth could there be anyone like her? and she's now realising how she doesn't want herself to be like this no more.

she needs to change for the better, for herself. it's the time. it's the right time. when it's all really over and something new should begin. why not.

she'd long been someone who's arrogant and ignorant and oblivious. been ignoring what everyone said. been only listening to her rebellious mind thinking that she should just be cool, by being different from the rest cos she just couldn't be like them. she'd just long been in denial.

now i've opened my eyes widely. my mind and heart, too. and that's when i can really listen to what mom says. my mistakes that she points out, and how she says i should better behave like. i thought it was cool to do them. i regret that i ever did think that way. now it's gonna take me long to change. how i wish i really listened to what mom said when i was young. it's kinda too late, but i'll still do try. i'll listen to her more.

i need to one day be someone that i'll really like. not someone whom i'd been pretending to like and be comfortable with. need to look at how old i am now. and how i should better be like.

tomorrow. for me, it'll be the celebration of the new me. it'll be the new cover page of the journey of my new me. CELEBRATION!

a silly, hopeless wish

It's 00.08am. And I still can't get to sleep. I just toss and turn here in my bed,wondering what it'll feel like. What will it feel like? But, will I EVER feel that anyway? The idea that O Levels will be over in 8 to 9 hours' time doesn't seem that WOW anymore, it only makes me feel relieved and nothing else. No more of a feeling of accomplishment any longer. Cos there's this wish I've been wanting over the past few days, that makes the accomplishment seem not so real no more. A wish that'll probably remain as a wish for the next i-don't-know how many years, or.. maybe even forever. It's silly for me to have been thinking this way. But I can't do anything. And they make me envy them. I never felt this way before. Last time it was me who used to make my friends envy me. But I think, it's time for me to envy them.. Well.. Now, I realise that mine's actually getting nowhere. A vague, unreal, fat hope.

taylor swift's love story

I got tired of waiting,

Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

oh maaannnn...

DAMMIT. SHUT UP..
I just can't help but keep listening to it..
Getting so overwhelmed by what it's saying.

Everyone else is getting their own.
I can see it blooming all around.

last beat

Spent the whole day downtown with roommie and her bf.
It was very kind of them, accompanying me to shop around buying stuff for "the night" I've been RATHER excited about, LATELY. (before, I wasn't. It's always kinda late for me to get excited over that kinda thing. AT LEAST, I think so)
PROM NIGHT!

Last night was a "girls' night" for me and my roommates.
Well, except Bliss.
Shared a lot of things, including our dark secrets..
Everything we'd not shared with anyone else before. Oops..
*gasps*

Now I know a bit MORE about MORE things.
The taboo, the unseen.

Laptop was confiscated for a night and a day.
I just got it back now. But it was all good.
Finally, I didn't spend the night staring at my laptop, instead spending the night talking to them till 2am.
And.. Now, I don't have to lend them my laptop ANYMORE.
(Isn't that good? Haha! *evil laughter*)
But, too bad for them.

Last exam for me tomorrow..
Everyone's celebrating today, but tomorrow will be my turn!
(though I've been kinda ignorant of studying TOO seriously for these last two exams)

Gotta refresh my memory one more time tonight.

whotheheckisobamaobama

..
I just read Nissa's blog.
CRAP!
It reminded me.. that..
I didn't blog on that day when history was made!
I was elated too, to know that Obama won.
And how dare I didn't write it down here!
For me to read in the future, how happy I was!
Man..

Anyways..

Nissa said: (http://www.myempty-thoughts.blogspot.com/)

"You may say 'So what? He's just another president of the US, thousands of miles away from here'. Well, I happened to learn that whatever happen in the west, will affect the whole world in one way or another. And I don't fancy to have another world war being on the verge of errupting. I might not be accurate in my knowledge, but I truly hope Obama will bring about some humanities around."

But, I say:

"Ooooobama! The guy who was once in Menteng 1 elementary school in Indonesia."

It concerns me too, u know. Because he was once studying in Indonesia, my country. Isn't that a "wow"?

Menteng students overjoyed with Obama's win

The Jakarta Post | Wed, 11/05/2008 3:02 PM | Jakarta

"Obama... Obama... Obama... We love you!" yelled hundreds of students from all grades in a Menteng elementary school in Central Jakarta on Wednesday, as they watched results come in for the U.S. presidential election.

Students and teachers were overjoyed to suspend classes, gather in a 1,500 square meter ballroom and witness how a former student of the school became elected the next president of the United States.

Headmaster Kuswadiyanto said the teachers and students had been starting their school day differently during the past few days.

"Every morning before lessons start, we've been praying for Barry, hoping for him to win the election," Kuswadiyanto said, as quoted by kompas.com.

As tallies on the television screen grew and confirmed Obama's win, all the students expressed their happiness by running around, scattering all over the place, dashing out of the ballroom and roaming the schoolyard even though rain was pouring down.

Obama's victory was also their victory. They were proud that the one-time Menteng student had became the leader of the most powerful country on the planet. "I want Obama to come here so we can talk with him," said Ajo, a fifth grader.

The teachers said the school would pray for Obama again on Thursday. "We want to express our thankfulness, so we will continue praying for him.... Today we are just enjoying this victory with the students," Kuswadiyanto said. (and)

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/11/05/menteng-students-overjoyed-with-obama039s-win.html

AND!

I just realised something.
Isn't it amazing, that the world's most populated Muslim nation - Indonesia, can now be more supportive towards America, through the new leader - Obama?
You know how anti-America most of the radical Muslim Indonesians were, but now..
Everything, well, seems to change a little bit.
Well, it's fine if the rationale used to be supportive towards him is just because he once studied in Indonesia..
The bottom line is that, hey behold, Indonesians are supporting a leader in USA!

Yeah. Not only Indonesians.
But also the whole world, especially those groups in certain countries who used to be anti-America, will now see this world's great power in a more positive light - through a figure of a" black" Barrack Obama.

BUT..
Don't judge a book by its cover.
It's not over. It's just the beginning.
How he represents the majority group, through his physical figure, is not the "thing" after all.
We should all see how he works things out.

Don't just be a dumb Obamaniac (or any other politician-maniac) without knowing anything about the policies etc.

But well..
I do hope that he really meant what he'd said throughout all his campaigns about making a change.
I, personally, believe that he will fulfill most of the things he said.
(but once again, we'll see)

PEACE IN THE WORLD.
STOP THE COLD WAR (that still secretly continues).

GOGOGO OBAMA!
(make Indonesia proud too, hehehe) <--- oops, excuse me, my inner thought said so hehe..

nope

maybe not..