dilemma

twilight's awesome. everything's awesome yesterday.
cheap ticket. good movie. good people to go with.

only the seat was not that comfortable. it's too front. neck pain.
despite that, sitting there's good.., after all. first time, ever, in my life.. *smiles*
the failed-to-happen sounded so sweet.
maybe i wish it would've happened. no? yes?

congo. eeh. nice food! *aaaa..* nice atmosphere. nice jokes. nice laughs. nice memories. nnnggggaaaaaaaw..

indeed, all that i once wished for has kinda come true.
but, now i'm afraid if what i want out of this is only the kinda thing that i wished for?
and nothing else?
so, it's kinda unwise to have decided to let it continue.
it'd just be hurtful for all of us. but, it's unavoidable.

what if i lose this one day.. cos even now i'm still not that sure.
i guess all i really want is that thing.
and it makes me feel guilty everytime it's said and done..
and i can't be strict.
my heart says yes. my mind says no. and sometimes my heart says.. "ehhh, maybe."

now that i think of it.. is there something more actually?
cos i can't avoid it anymore.
nooo..? yes? no???



irgendwann einmal, möchte ich bitte einen Traummann..

3things

crush, infatuation, love.
what the heck!
heck!
hhhhheeeeecccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

get me out of this kinda thing!

corruption

I wonder why people still do it when they know that it's not right,
despite a lot of examples about it; how those people who've committed it are condemned and punished.

I guess it's already in everyone's blood. Planted deeply in their flesh.

As a victim of it yesterday, I felt guilty more than cheated.
Guilty cos I couldn't do anything to tell him that it's wrong.
I couldn't, cos I was scared I'd get hurt or anything like that if I accused him for doing so.
But, all I did was just to appease him.
I didn't stand up for what's right, instead I gave in cos I was scared.
Well, it's only Rp 4,000 difference. But, still, lie is a lie.
Small crime doesn't mean no crime.

Now that I think of it.. In the Bible, it says: But I say to you, do not resist the evildoer. But whoever strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other to him as well.

I wonder if that's what I'll do again when someone asks for a bribe from me.
Ha ha. What should I do, eh??

Well, don't those who've committed it over and over again, have conscience whatsoever?
Even for those who are poor, they have no rights or excuses for doing so!
What the hell..
I mean, don't be selfish larh.
And they shouldn't take things for granted.
It's not like, cos they're poor, everyone should pity them and give what they want.

They should do something good, instead of pitying their own selves.
But it's hard to do, cos everyone thinks that it's impossible to get out of the poverty circle.
Ha ha. I'm talking as if I know what they're going through. Silly me.
I know it's difficult. Natürlich, it is.
But, at least, don't take a shortcut cheating on other people and taking them for granted.

Too bad, in fact, only a handful of people have the passion to help these people out.
Even less can come up with the ways to help these people out.
(As in, come up with the appropriate ways of helping. Not by giving them cash!!
That doesn't work of course. They need education and moral support!)
And, even much less than that can actualize those ways.
But too bad, most of the people are too oblivious.
Thinking of their own stuff.

This is the reality. So, no wonder there are a lot of corruption cases in Indonesia.
People are just too selfish.

Knowing the reality.. sometimes I doubt that my wish will really come true.
As someone of my race, I'll always be treated this way.
Get cheated, envied, discriminated.
What do I need to do?